im sick of fighting,
im sick of dieing
im sick of the way she treats me.

i give and i give and i give,
but she just takes and takes and takes,
what more can i do than warn her that if she keeps putting everyone in front of me,
then how ever much i may love her that i will need to leave,
she needs to see this but if i tell her ill feel bad when really she should feel bad but as allways its me feeling bad and not her.

have not been here in awile but need to write something

wheres is my smile gone im lost and dont no where i am

hoping i wont need that umbrella

OK I'm looking at you your looking at me its a pretty sweet moment.
some people imagine these moments but i feel i could sit next you in silence and stilll feel as if everything is being said.

now lately all my blogs have ended up at a beach or started there,
because as any one who knows me knows that that's where i feel safe,
where nothing can really hurt me.

but I'm not at a beach I'm here in real life,
I'm walking a tight rope not literally that would be a little weird but its more the fact that i have to walk it to get something, i don't feel fully safe, cause of what happened last time it looked like i had got to the end of the rope and then the ground disappeared and i fell, kind of sucked haha.but theres two people on this tight rope and its more like were using each other for balance we both just have to get to the end keep the balance and we will... i hope haha. i didnt think id be walking this tight rope this soon i thought it would take longer i guess this is the exception we all make for that one thing or that one person.

ladies gentlemen if i fall some one throw me a fucking umbrella haha :)

lets give this a go and lets try and not think to much about it haha:)

that wave it was free, it was just me and the wave picking me and my board up and carrying us.
if so it could savagely chuck us of but for that moment me and the wave... well i guess where at peace.
but the wave it loses power it falters and slows and gets smaller until its but a ripple in the sand.

this wave i think suits many people, we rush into something we don't think about the end we just live in the moment, i do that ill admit i don't think about things until after and sometimes yeah it gets me in trouble. but more often than not ill feel sad, hurt or angry but I'm still content that i tried it i didn't falter at the start and threw my self at that chance.

but there is a wave no one likes it looks big, it looks power full it looks full of energy.
but its like when u get played by some one in business or in relationships or what ever you can possibly get played in. it looks so full of promise but when u feel your self rise you feel no power behind it you feel like there is something amiss like its a false wave.

I'm going to try something, its not a wave its not to do with the sea, i might have a problem here haha.
but I'm going to see if i can do it it might take some convincing, i have no idea I'm confused as hell. I'm going to give it a go and i no that's all i can do :)

light and fun haha:)

i sit there in the sand, i stare at the horizon couldn't believe that something could be so beautiful.
i don't no what it is but when i sit there in the shallows i stare at that sinking sun i feel happy i feel content, because i no that if something that small something that happens everyday can make me happy then it wont take much to make me happy in life.

as i sit there and as the water swirls around me i feel things being washed of, i feel the emotions the baggage leave... it doesn't matter to me if this is only while I'm sitting there or weather it goes for ever as long as i get that moment of freedom. i feel my muscles relax i feel like i could sink in to the ocean and let it take me where ever the current wants, what a life that would be ha ha :).

i leave this beech and i feel good i feel lighter, i feel if i go to a party I'm ready to meet some one new or at least have abit of a fling... i feel free i feel i can do what i want now.

heart breaker right from the start

Remember when I caught your eye
you gave me rainbows and butterflies
we did enjoy our happiness?
when our love was over
I was such a mess

I smiled at you
and you smiled back
that's when I knew
there?s no turning back
you said you loved me
and I did too
now though it's over
I still love you

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heart breaker right from the start

I tried to fight it
I tried so hard
and every day
I pray to god
that you and me were meant to be

but you had another
you had a lover
And now is gone
I don't know why
I feel like crying
just want to die
I can't look at you
and you know why
no, I tried so hard
to catch your eye

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heart breaker right from the start

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heart breaker right from the start

you no what magic

i listened to a piece of music, it told me " i had the magic in me"
but i don't see it,
i don't feel it,
i don't have the powers to turn back time make things go right,
i don't have the power to heal your wounds.

so what is this magic I'm meant to see,
is it in me,
is it in you,
for i don't no,
but all i see is this tiny flash of magic.

i looked and i crawled into the recesses of me,
i found a little light,
it twirled around me and all i saw was a Little bit of magic,
i found it it was in my heart,
i think, i think my heart is the magic,
i hope my heart shows everyone its magic,
its why it opens to people and when it gets hurt the magic fixes it.

so i thank you,
you tiny piece of magic,
you have helped me,
you have kept me alive.