im sick of fighting,
im sick of dieing
im sick of the way she treats me.

i give and i give and i give,
but she just takes and takes and takes,
what more can i do than warn her that if she keeps putting everyone in front of me,
then how ever much i may love her that i will need to leave,
she needs to see this but if i tell her ill feel bad when really she should feel bad but as allways its me feeling bad and not her.

have not been here in awile but need to write something

wheres is my smile gone im lost and dont no where i am

hoping i wont need that umbrella

OK I'm looking at you your looking at me its a pretty sweet moment.
some people imagine these moments but i feel i could sit next you in silence and stilll feel as if everything is being said.

now lately all my blogs have ended up at a beach or started there,
because as any one who knows me knows that that's where i feel safe,
where nothing can really hurt me.

but I'm not at a beach I'm here in real life,
I'm walking a tight rope not literally that would be a little weird but its more the fact that i have to walk it to get something, i don't feel fully safe, cause of what happened last time it looked like i had got to the end of the rope and then the ground disappeared and i fell, kind of sucked haha.but theres two people on this tight rope and its more like were using each other for balance we both just have to get to the end keep the balance and we will... i hope haha. i didnt think id be walking this tight rope this soon i thought it would take longer i guess this is the exception we all make for that one thing or that one person.

ladies gentlemen if i fall some one throw me a fucking umbrella haha :)

lets give this a go and lets try and not think to much about it haha:)

that wave it was free, it was just me and the wave picking me and my board up and carrying us.
if so it could savagely chuck us of but for that moment me and the wave... well i guess where at peace.
but the wave it loses power it falters and slows and gets smaller until its but a ripple in the sand.

this wave i think suits many people, we rush into something we don't think about the end we just live in the moment, i do that ill admit i don't think about things until after and sometimes yeah it gets me in trouble. but more often than not ill feel sad, hurt or angry but I'm still content that i tried it i didn't falter at the start and threw my self at that chance.

but there is a wave no one likes it looks big, it looks power full it looks full of energy.
but its like when u get played by some one in business or in relationships or what ever you can possibly get played in. it looks so full of promise but when u feel your self rise you feel no power behind it you feel like there is something amiss like its a false wave.

I'm going to try something, its not a wave its not to do with the sea, i might have a problem here haha.
but I'm going to see if i can do it it might take some convincing, i have no idea I'm confused as hell. I'm going to give it a go and i no that's all i can do :)

light and fun haha:)

i sit there in the sand, i stare at the horizon couldn't believe that something could be so beautiful.
i don't no what it is but when i sit there in the shallows i stare at that sinking sun i feel happy i feel content, because i no that if something that small something that happens everyday can make me happy then it wont take much to make me happy in life.

as i sit there and as the water swirls around me i feel things being washed of, i feel the emotions the baggage leave... it doesn't matter to me if this is only while I'm sitting there or weather it goes for ever as long as i get that moment of freedom. i feel my muscles relax i feel like i could sink in to the ocean and let it take me where ever the current wants, what a life that would be ha ha :).

i leave this beech and i feel good i feel lighter, i feel if i go to a party I'm ready to meet some one new or at least have abit of a fling... i feel free i feel i can do what i want now.

heart breaker right from the start

Remember when I caught your eye
you gave me rainbows and butterflies
we did enjoy our happiness?
when our love was over
I was such a mess

I smiled at you
and you smiled back
that's when I knew
there?s no turning back
you said you loved me
and I did too
now though it's over
I still love you

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heart breaker right from the start

I tried to fight it
I tried so hard
and every day
I pray to god
that you and me were meant to be

but you had another
you had a lover
And now is gone
I don't know why
I feel like crying
just want to die
I can't look at you
and you know why
no, I tried so hard
to catch your eye

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heart breaker right from the start

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heart breaker right from the start

you no what magic

i listened to a piece of music, it told me " i had the magic in me"
but i don't see it,
i don't feel it,
i don't have the powers to turn back time make things go right,
i don't have the power to heal your wounds.

so what is this magic I'm meant to see,
is it in me,
is it in you,
for i don't no,
but all i see is this tiny flash of magic.

i looked and i crawled into the recesses of me,
i found a little light,
it twirled around me and all i saw was a Little bit of magic,
i found it it was in my heart,
i think, i think my heart is the magic,
i hope my heart shows everyone its magic,
its why it opens to people and when it gets hurt the magic fixes it.

so i thank you,
you tiny piece of magic,
you have helped me,
you have kept me alive.

wild! haha

its fun,
its our thing,
its better than alot of things.

its wild,
its crazy
its messy.

it can be any where,
it can be anytime
it can be wet,
it can be sticky.

everytime i see you, we talk like theres no tomorow,
we laugh we play,
we enjoy each other company where it is never bored nor dull.

when were not around each other,
not in person,
we never talk or if we do things seem strained,
i dont want to feel this way i dont under stand.

but every time a person does come near,
 i feel like i want to crash and bash my way to your heart,
i feel i want to scream at your heart to let me in to take me in,
but i no if i told you things would change,
i no i cant,
and that is what breaks me.

maybe my time will come with you,
when the world slows and we will have our moment.

through life we do walk,and talk

I'm walking this lonely road of life,
I'm stopping at the friendly inns who welcome us lonely travellers,
they ask but do u not have a wife at home,
and i say my life is not fit for a wife she shall deserve better.

i keep hearing a mysterious talking,
about a girl who eludes me,
she drives me crazy but she deserves better,
what happened to u my princess where did u go,
i am but  humble traveler here to sweep u of Ur feet.

my road is worthy of a wife now ladies gentlemen,
i am Ur prince in disguise,
look at my armour and how it shines,
my heart beats like a lions,
and my voice as deep as a bear,

I'm toughened and seasoned traveler i have been through much,
i have seen dolls that are deceptively young looking but will steal what ever they can,
i have met the sirens which promise so much but just as quick to hurt.
so i am hear now to raise a girl who thinks i am fit for her,

i bid my lonely traveler friends adew as i embark on this new journey.

playing with FIRE

we all play with fire,
we dance around the fire,
its Flames licking at our ankles,
it like we tease it as if we want it to bight us,
we cant get enough its like a drug.

there is many different types of fire,
relationship fires that burn bright,
some with the red flame of hatred,
the blue flame of happiness,
we do the dance around these flames toiling away,
 most get bitten when young and learn not to play with the fire.

why does fire have to burn,
why cant we hold it in our palms create beautiful things with it,
form amazing colourful things,
it seems it is against us,
I'm scared were all scared,

I'm going now cause it seems I'm slowly jumping into a pit of fire.

why did u come back into my mind

theres other girls,
theres 1,2,3 girls,
but every time i see your face,every time i talk to you,
i see you and me again lying in the sun in the grass,
and I'm like fuck you.

you crushed me why wont you get outta my head,
theres another girl now,
but it seems i just piss her off,
what am i doing wrong,
i lost you,
i don't seem to be able to get this girl.

some one tell me whats wrong,
 because i just don't understand anything anymore,
i seem to screw everything up when all i want to do is make it better,
one day i hope things go right.

backada stabada

you back stabbed me,
i hear u complain about me,
i hear you say im annoying.

then dont tell me im ur best friend,
dont lie to me say it to my face,
lifes full of wonders,
this is a wonderin conundrum,
i dont no what to think i thought i liked u,
but maybe its not true.

please tell me what your going to do,
cause im sick of waiting

why me,why the confusion

i don't no what to do i turn right,
i turn left,
i see you there,
i see you every where,
its a strange feeling to not be able to escape.

i no,
i no very well you can never go out with me,
 for i fear you think you care to much for our friend ship,
but i would be willing to risk it all on that one last gamble,
iv told u everything,
talked about everything,
gimme one chance to make everything what it could be,

ill put all my trust at the foot of this hill,
now I'm sure my heart can never be still,
pray i hope that u never feel this remorse,
for i no i will never tell you for fear of losing you,
if u think you like me please tell me,

the fear,
the courage the feelings are whirl wind,
a whirl wind of confusion.

it started of so good, how did it end up like this, i hate it i hate this

iv been cast to the side second best nothing less,
i didnt ask to do this be like this,
i didnt ask to be like me,
but people you all made me,
and i hate it,

everytime i talk i annoy i dont want to i just do,
i say the wrong things or take things the wrong way,
there are reasons but there all shit i still said it or wrote it or did it,
so what i can i say but,
i hate it,

you all think its easy to to be me,
if u were just like me you would see,
the problems the conundrums that i face everyday,
if i was to stop talkin would you leave or would u miss me,
i think the first one is more right than wrong,
so once you ditch me ill no who my real friends are,
god i hate this,

im second best to the first test,
i didnt see that no i didnt but number one did and i missed out,
nothin i can do cause i am me,
i seem to turn left when every one turns right,
i hate this,

i wrote this while at school im rather bored

all right every one,
i think its time to forget,
time to live and let live,
or what ever it is haha,

every one all my friends from the guys to the girls,
you all defended me amazingly,
i mean even some of her best friends told me that she was in the wrong,
to them i say thank you and i think ill keep you as friends all most definitely,
 all though i wont mention your names cause if she reads this you might be in a little bit of trouble haha :),
to my mates boys ill mention a few Zak,Ryan and of course my man whore friend Elliot,
 you guys were the main helpers,
to the girls to Nat and em and Rik your all awesome thanks for your help even though i no i annoyed the shit out of you hahaha :), and yes to the other girls theres to many to mention and same with the guys thanks for all your help.

so yeah its a new time for my life,
to enjoy and have fun lets see what the future holds and hey at least i no if anything bad happens you girls and guys have my back thank you :)

PS
 to her friends it showes courage to tell me what you told me your good people shes a good person all though there is a few faults in there but hey who doesn't have faults  and yeah if u have to choose between me and her i encourage you to choose her cause she was Ur best friend first and we AL make mistakes, good on youuuu haha :).

crack

man its cracker,
that joke was cracker,
i cracked my self an invite,
ill crack my self some lunch,

words have so much meaning,
every word can mean so much the way its said,
 or the way the person looks at you when they say it,
everything has a huge affect on the way us as people feel,

when your best friends like your like a bro i love ya,
its not gay theres no gayness in it its like a bro hug its respect,
 it means you always have his or hers back,

when some one calls you a dick theres two reactions,
 one is why the fuck am i the dick,
second is haha matteee you can not talk,

these examples both show how we as human beings live for
each other and shape each other with the words we use to describe one another,
and yeah words hurt we all no that from those words,
 the ones said when the person looks at there feet cause they no their about to crush you ,
and you hear
"I'm sorry"
 no one likes that we all no those words,
i no iv copped that once and man how that hurt but it shaped me,
someways for the better some ways for the worse. its a crack of a line cause it cracks you in the Head like being king hit.

but then theres those three words
"i love you"
these words they are used in context and out of context,
you have dick heads who use it just to get what they want its said quick usually when the person says stop or i don't want to about something,
but then you get sincerity when a person just holds you and quietly says i love you,
these words have also shaped me the second one as i have not copped the first one as it is usually the female who does, but anyway these words have shaped me because they teach you to be weary but also to feel god when people do say it,

so i say to all people out there be care full about what you say cause once you say it there is no taking it back :).

dont throw rocks when you live in a glass house.

you cast that stone at me, well to be true i think you threw a mountain of rubble at me,
but I'm willing to forgive I'm willing to move on,
every time for every person a rock is thrown it twists and curves and when it hits you its relatively sharp,
then how come people don't get that every time they throw a stone they just give us more ammo,
they live in a glass house we all do but there is is about to be assailed by rocks, because they cast the first stone,

but i shall cast the last.

oh yeh

oh yeah baby your on my mind,every time i look at the time,
its a time to see where u gonna be girl,
IL follow you ill se where you go,

lets see if IL See that magic time, the time to be with you will be one to remember,
its a crazy time,
we look at the alarm clock next to my bed;), we look at your watch watching and waiting for your parents, don't be dared to be caught we should make a time machine and never be caught,

Jesus girl your gonna make a mess of me,
so bring it babe well see what the time is see how much we got,
and well make a mess wouldn't it be a test of,stamina, power and passion haha;)

so lets go baby on my time machine to what ever time we want,
it'll be a ball of fun, no controls no basis just us time and a whole lot of passion,

we have made a mess of the time space continuum, but we had fun didn't we,

it looks like the clock has struck twelve its time to enter reality lets hope its as fun there ;)

the fight

its the fight ladies and gentlemen boys and girls it the fight,
its the fight of lachys life don't you no,
every one is prancing and dancing,
they all look real handsome with their shiny red gloves  and there ever last shorts,
but there trying to fight with some one with a rather large bight,

let them come i say let the fight, IL take one two three,
bring it on i say,iv had enough,
they can threaten but Will they really,

you no every ones life has a fight from cancer to relationships,
every one has to fight in some way or another,
i no violence isn't the way but then again is anyway the right way,
to scorn with words is sometimes more harsh than a hit to the head,

IL say this though to any one who wants to go(you no if your you and i have been told you want to)
that my friends they don't take kindly to me being threatened, let alone my self,
and yes a majority of us do karate or boxing so there is a little warning, oh and did i mention where all rather big doesn't it suck :).

so back to the start, there is a saying, that when we are born we are sick,
we all must do we all no this we try ignore this but we no this,
so sometimes to fight is to live that little bit longer,
i no out of any one that life has some horrible twists but to fight mentally physically and verbally is sometimes to win,

so to all those fighters out there from the peace full hippy to the ruggedest ufc champ around,
 keep on doing what you do and you have our self a nice day :)